couple 2 350x232 - Relationship expert reveals why millennials struggle to find love: Modern dating fails

1. DISMISSING DATING APPS

If you’re seriously looking for love then using dating apps is the best way to maximise your chances of finding ‘the one’.

It’s simple, you just increase the sample size. Also, it’s 2018 there is absolutely no shame in meeting your future lover/spouse online.

2. SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON DATING APPS

That being said, if you want to be successful at using dating apps you need to move off the apps and into face-to-face dates asap. Communication and human connection involves so much more than your words. It’s about body language, facial expressions, smell (really), tone of voice. Avoid messaging someone for weeks, if you want to meet up with someone and see how you gel in person just ask!

3. STALKING PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA

You’re never going to find what you want. It can quickly become this really unhealthy, obsessive habit (we’ve all been there). And it hinders the actual process of getting to know a real person rather than their social media presence.

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4. HAVING LOW EXPECTATIONS & SETTLING

Why are we hearing a trend that more and more people are ‘settling’? On paper, with more apparent options, surely we should have higher expectations?

You are deserving, worthy of love and a happy and a fulfilling relationship (if that’s what you want). Don’t settle just because you think that person will do or out of fear of being alone. That is no foundation for a happy relationship or future.

5. GETTING TOO DRUNK ON THE FIRST DATE

There’s nothing wrong with drinking on a first date, don’t get me wrong it definitely helps to calm the nerves. But getting too drunk can lead to mistakes, regrets and memory loss. If you genuinely do want to get to know this new person perhaps it is best to stay somewhat sober. You will only ever think ‘what if’ otherwise.

6. DATING BURNOUT

With the instant access to new dates at the swipe of your fingertips it’s very easy to find yourself going on several dates a week, it is any wonder many of us suffer from dating burnout? This can be exhausting, grow to be boring and take away the fun and excitement of dating. Not to mention the strain on your wallet! While increasing the sample size is beneficial, it’s still about quality not quantity. There is also the danger people can get caught in the trap of becoming emotionally unavailable.

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7. NOT USING CONDOMS, NOT KNOWING YOUR STI STATUS

Young people are more likely to be diagnosed with an STI than older age groups and there are 2 very easy ways to reduce your risk as much as possible. Using condoms every time you have sex and getting tested regularly/in between sexual partners.

8. JUDGING PEOPLE TOO QUICKLY

We can now judge people in seconds on a dating app. As we are quickly swiping away we can find ourselves judging people based off their interests, their career, their clothes etc – this list goes on. These things are limited in telling us everything we need to know about a person to decide if they would be a good partner or not. So give people a chance, actually get to know them rather than making a quick judgement on their online ‘bio’.

9. NOT SPENDING ANY TIME SINGLE

We all know at least one person who has never spent more than a month single and that month doesn’t really count because the first half was spent crying over their last break up and the second half pursuing the new love interest. Spending a decent amount of time single is so important in gaining some perspective over what it is you actually want/need out of a potential partner.

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10. ASSUMING PEOPLE WILL CHANGE

Okay, sometimes people do change. But don’t bet on that happening because of you. It’s best to just take people as they are, rather than what they could be. Don’t start dating someone thinking you can change them. Get out of that relationship before you waste another 2 years with them and they still haven’t changed!

You want someone to accept and love you for who you are, right? So we should offer the same.

Dailymail.

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